Parenting Thoughts…

What if all advice is just parenting advice?

Saw that children resent being parented… To help them treat them as an anyone. But at a practical level you can’t do that in absolute. So clearly giving them some freedom whenever possible will help. Also skin in the game.

For example give six year old some allowance. Teach them about surrendering savings and saving. Skin in the game if they lose something. Clearly make them owners of some aspects of their lives. Make them financially aware. A good rule of thumb feels like age/2 * week.

At the high level want to make them aware of the situation they have. Getting free rent and dinner cooked and and and. At the same time don’t want it all to be totally about money. But flat assistance for sneakers. For most clothes.

Categories:

Clothing… Shirt. Pants. Shoes. Socks. Underwear. If want more than what I would pay… insert allowance. Skin in the game. If they make a lot of money. Still provide same support until end of college(?)

Beauty products… extra cologne, soaps, jewelry. This has to be different for boy vs girls. Help them achieve their goals not just buy what they want.

Food… anything that we wouldn’t buy they would have to buy themselves. Gushers. Cereal. Again this is probably some kind of a sponsorship thing. But better to get ahead of it and have some kind of list. What about low cost shit? Instate a sugar tax. Need to let them try stuff out. Don’t want to impose to much cost on exploration. Tell me why? Also I need to remain open minded.

Rent… Free until they graduate high school +2 months. Still at the same time need to make them aware of the cost of living. Maybe while in school. But this doesn’t really lend itself. Would rather do some pay for performance thing here. If doing best in your field ==> get money? Unfair bias towards doing well in school? Want to build independent thinkers not awesome students. Should make them pay rent in high school too. But in the form of automatic allowance deductions. Make rent due and have them physically hand over the cash.

Cell phone. Some shared data thing could be disaster. Also don’t put them in a place where they could incur a huge bill. Avoid catastrophe. Let them keep 50-75% savings if they discover them for the whole family? Share bounty across siblings to keep peace.

Labor… Make sure that they have skin in the game. There will always be differences in opinion on what good enough is. Need to treat them like a roommate sometimes. If acting out… This is why you are getting subsidized rent. At the same time… no need to do dumb shit just because. Going to learn by needing things up. Need to learn all that. Don’t want them to be financial slaves. In that case need to empower them as quickly as possible and also make the prison as mutually enjoyable as possible until that time comes.

— making food

–cleaning house

–driving

–doing dishes

School… What is it good for? Need them to find a track where if they excel they are being well prepared for their own manifest destiny. Full stop. Will this institution help them find and achieve their dreams? If not get the fuck out ASAP. Time is precious. My skin in the game? Be willing to pay them to get A’s in whatever they are doing.

Ultimate goal is to support until independent. Probably want then to apply for a scholarship from Mom and Dad. That’s what I’d do for any other person. If they had a goal I really supported, believed, admired – then I’d pony up the cash.

Main goal will be too help them find the people and things they want to dedicate their lives to. Incorporate financial understanding so they can honestly assess what sacrifices they will incur.

Don’t try to parent too much. Just answer questions seriously and honestly. But also don’t take disrespect. Clearly understand the power dynamic. When teenagers get mouthy it is because they are smart enough to have their own ambitions but not clearly understanding the support they are getting. So the freedom they haven’t been given and exposure they don’t understand is part of the problem

 

TIME WITH EYVA
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[Summary]
 The number of hours we will share with her each day will decline as she gets older, which may be in opposition to our goal of FIRING soon. Put different, would we be willing to FI later so that we can share more time with our baby as she develops? I think for me, during the 1.5-3 age, the answer would be undoubtedly yes. Obviously, the preference is to do both at the same time, but there may be a time where we have to pick a side to lean towards.
Her schedule will undoubtedly dominate our lives for the next 13-15 years and certainly influence it heavily for the next 18. Understanding what her schedule will likely be, and getting ourselves into a situation where we can spend time with her will be a big opportunity to maximize the precious years we will share together.
Framing chapters of her life with things to avoid was a major breakthrough for me. Not to be negative, but it is hard to know what will be best for her, but very easy to know what catastrophe’s you’d want her to avoid. Sickness, lack of self-awareness/self-responsibility, muted self-identity and the burden irreversible choices are the prevailing themes across all chapters of her life to avoid.
CHAPTERS OF HER LIFE
[0-1.5 years] Nutrition and Sleep Hygiene
  • Most important things to avoid…
    • A big sickness
    • A bad sleep routine
  • Most important things for her to get…
    • From 0-1.5, she needs to be breastfed. Time w/mom is simply just > time with dad. Biologically speaking.
    • -We will want to get her on a sleep schedule as soon as possible. The idea being that Sleeping + Eating + not being sick are the main outcomes of this phase for her.
  • Spending time with her…
    • She will be with us 24/7 so really we won’t have ANY time away from her in this phase. Maybe she can learn to play w/other sooner via daycare though?
  • How to afford to spend time with her…
    • Assets~Have enough passive income in the works that we are totally cool w/it
      • -Buy and hold and operate
      • -Airbnb arbitrage as long as the owner is the know, we can rent… take risk… operate the home for minimal upfront capital.
      • -Buy, repair, rent, refinance, repeat
    • Services~Become the nanny for Eyva + a few other kiddo’s?
      • -Be a nanny for E + some other kids… will this really get her more time w/Eyva the way I want? I don’t think so honestly.
      • -Smaller, very flexible working situations… will this work? Need very high $/hour.
    • A combo of the 2 above
[1.5-3 years] Preparing to Play with Others, Discovering a sense of self,
  • -From 1.5-3, I become roughly the same as mom. Time spent with each of us will be roughly equally enriching for her.
  • Most important things to avoid…
    • – Infantalizing her still
    • – Spoiling her early
    • – Babysitting by TV
  • Most important things for her to get…
    • – Spend time with her and develop her curiosities.
    • – Cooperative schedules, she understands when it is time for a nap and when it isn’t
    • – Being potty-trained so she needs less “changing”
    • – Eating solid foods (maybe not that big a deal actually?)
  • Spending time with her…
    • – Not feel overwhelmed with the pressures/responsibilities to others (reputation)
    • – Not feel overwhelmed by financial pressures
  • How to afford to spend time with her…
    • -The play would need to be the same as [0-1.5 years] honestly.
    • -One caveat is that at this age, we could certainly have her in daycare for 2 days a week… allowing for us to work flexibly if we can arrange that somehow (Trader Joe’s?, A job that has needs on Sat/Sun but we are off all week so we don’t mind?)
[3-5 years] Learning to Play with Others
  • -I would want to be heavily involved in a preschool or Montessori program for her at this point. I imagine that her energy and interests will outstrip our ability to effectively guide her. In essence, a lot of this phase is about getting her attention and exposure in ways that we otherwise would not have. We are augmenting our educational ability with the help of others.
  • Most important things to avoid…
    • – Not teaching her enough manners
    • – Not reading enough to her
    • – Not satisfying her creative interests
    • – Not giving her enough play
  • Most important things for her to get…
    • -Socializing with other kids
    • -Socializing with other adults
    • -Getting exposed to activities that are not in our natural proclivities, but maybe in her’s.
  • Spending time with her…
    • -Hours at school will be something like 8-12 or 8-2 at this age. She’ll be in bed by 8/8:30. So we’ll want to only work for 6 hours somehow if possible.
    • -Spend a week alone with Grandma/Granpa in the summer?
  • How to afford to spend time with her…
    • -At this phase, we should be at a place where we can work pseudo-flexibly. Having a job(s) that lets us work schedules that better fit our needs (e.g. 5 hours a day every day) will be super important. Shift work will make that very difficult.
    • -Could continue to have one of us work as a weekender so we can spend time with her.
    • -Around this time we will want to do start doing chores as a family, to help teach her responsibility.
[5-11 years] Discovering Hobbies
  • Most important things to avoid…
    • – School for school’s sake
    • – Too much TV
    • – Not developing her interests enough
  • Most important things for her to get…
    • -Want want to foster a sense of adventure and self-directed fun in her.
    • -Expose her to many different kinds of pseudo-adult activities. For example, building or cutting hair or cooking/baking or computer science or writing a book or watercolors or trading baseball cards or …
    • -Also, want to give her freedom so that she can just play without us. Ideally by “going over to a friends house” w/out our intervention. Ideally, we want to live in a neighborhood or community with other kids she can just go over and play with in the park/yard/etc.
  • Spending time with her…
    • -Will be in school from 8 to 2:30 or 3PM. Want to be able to do bike rides with her to school and home again.
    • -Spend a month with Grandma/Grandpa in the summer?
  • How to afford spending time with her…
    • -TBD… this is the trickiest age for me to be honest.
    • -Obviously, if we have passive income at this point we can do that (e.g. AirBnb the shit out of our places or Manage our own properties). In general, I hope we are in a good place to do asset rental as a major source of income at this point.
[12-18 years] She wants to spend less and less time with us
  • Most important things to avoid…
    • -Pregnancy
    • -School for school’s sake
    • -Resentment @ us (lack of self-respect and sense of responsibility)
    • -Driving under the influence
    • Hard drugs
  • Most important things for her to get…
    • -Give her the opportunities to be independent both with her time and financially
    • -Live in a walkable area/give her transportation freedom
    • -Let her make money w/chores or even w/a job
    • -Give her opportunities to make mistakes
  • Spending time with her…
    • -She will be in school and in charge of her own day at this point from AM to ~4PM/5PM.
    • -Want to be able to attend afterschool events with her. Go to plays, games, etc.
  • How to afford spending time with her…
    • -We can overlap schedules at this point. One person goes into the office 7-3, one person goes into the office 9-5.
    • -Ideally, she gets on a sports team for after school, in an afterschool program, gets home w/another parent, gets home by herself.
[18-21 years] She is fully independent
  • Most important things to avoid…
    • -Not having an inkling of what she wants to do with her life
    • -Major indebtedness
    • -Driving under the influence
  • Most important things for her to get…
    • -Your time is your most precious asset
    • -You can have any life you want, but you will need to make sacrifices
    • -What makes you unique is also what makes you powerful
  • Spending time with her…
    • -We will need to schedule holidays/traditions into our life for her to want to be w/us.
    • -Obviously, living near each other will be a big component of that; but we should prepare for that not to be able to do that.
  • How to afford spending time with her…
    • -Having a vacation property would be a big appeal. Having the family get together so it isn’t just about us would be a big appeal.
    • -Doing business with her and helping her as a source of cheap capital.
[Ways to optimize time with Eyva]
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  • Coincide what we HAVE to do, with what she wants to do.
    • -For example, we keep doing our own gardening and she plays in the dirt outside while we do it… learning about bugs and plants and set up a sprinkler in summer, etc, etc.
    • -Instead of going for a run, we swim in the pool together. Or go for a hike w/her in the backpack. Or a bike ride w/her in the trailer.
    • -Build her a climbing wall outside. Teach her about power tools and stuff.
  • Specialized equipment for chores.
    • -Dishwasher
    • -Instant Pot
    • -Washer and Dryer
    • -Get a drying rack that also works as dish storage
    • -Air Filters for dusting (and health!!!)
    • –?How to keep bathroom clean?
    • –?How to keep floors clean?
  • Outsource undesirable tasks
    • -For grocery shopping (if that is a nightmare), we just pay the extra $10 to pick it up curbside or have it delivered.
  • Minimize time spent doing undesirables, by not bringing her
    • -Have an afternoon nanny-share where on Wednesday’s we watch their kid and on Thursday’s they watch ours. On Thursday afternoon we make great use of that time to efficiently “get shit done” without having to lug the kiddo around.
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